he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Less talking, more tequila
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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