"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
