if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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