I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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