yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
