Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
