Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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