i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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