she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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