I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
