I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
