Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
