Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
