I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
