Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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