Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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