hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
