I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
