I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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