Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
