My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
