I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
