Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
