How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
