I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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