We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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