so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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