I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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