if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
