420 ftw
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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