i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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