im six kinds of drunk right now
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
