it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The best revenge is premature balding
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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