it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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