Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
