We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
