If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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