As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
