I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
