haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
