...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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