it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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