I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
