So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's blow job season.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
