I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
