Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
