I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
