You smell like stripper and shame
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
