O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
