I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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