mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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