i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize