Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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