youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
