He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
