So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
