At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
