the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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