He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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