I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
