Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
