I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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