Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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