I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
