Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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