bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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