roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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