I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
